so it's been several months since I've posted anything. my boyfriend found my blog and didn't know about the addiction he basically caused. but I can't blame him, it was me who snorted that sweet delicious oxy up my nose. it was me who decided smoking it was even better. now all I crave is a fat line and some tin foil, a lighter and an 80.
I know it's not 'right' to be an addict, but fuck it. I've been through so fucking much the past few years I deserve to get high and let the pain killers numb my sorrow.
want a recap? first my grandma died, then my dog of 8 years, then my dad. I thought that I had my fair share of death in one year. remember my post about "bring it on 2012'? but nope. then my sweet bulldog Callie died, followed by my two older brother's dad. and suddenly out of no where my own other bulldog who was sweet, amazing, and so, so cute passed away suddenly from heart disease. my little man was the only good fucking thing left in my life.
what the fuck have I done to be filled with so much death?
a three year old bulldog who did nothing but bring light into everyone's life didn't deserve to go. nobody I loved did. thank god I've never believed in god, because if there was one he wouldn't make someone hurt so much.
so fuck it, I guess I'm meant to suffer.
the only time I get some release is when I'm high, purging or drunk. so much for recovery.
I'm wasted now and all I want is some sort of release.
I'd be better off dead...at least I'd see my little man Bam again. And my dad and everyone else life has taken from me.
