you came to me when i was broken

Hey everyone, I'm back! Everything in my life has been going so well and I'm happy to announce that I am officially taken. Here is a poem I wrote for my incredible, sexy, smart, loving, amazing boyfriend, Krishani. I love him more than words can explain, but I'll give it a try:

you came to me when i was broken

climbing inside my heart 

sewing the pieces back together

you came to me when i was broken

entering my precious body 

making the pieces beautiful again

you came to me when i was broken

seeing into my damaged mind

changing every thought to artwork

you came to me when i was broken

clinging deeply into my soul

weaving us tightly together

you came to me when i was broken

fixing each part of my entity 

mending me until i was whole,

i imagine my dreams before me, mine.

Warning: This poem is very violent sounding. It was intended to purge all of my anger the other day, so that is why it is full of such hatred. Just a warning so you all don't think I'm a psycho killer or something! Plus, as you will see, the whole idea was self-harm/death, not towards others.

I'm angry, frustrated

Annoyingly so

I imagine beating her senseless

I'm angry, pissed off

Aggressively so

I imagine the slitting of her throat

I'm angry, hurt

Painfully so

I imagine her slow death

I'm angry, enraged

Brutally so

I imagine watching the life leave her eyes

I'm angry, hateful

Deadly so,

I imagine laughing at her funeral

I'm angry, depressed

Overwhelmingly so

I imagine that she is me

I'm alive, enlightened

Breathtakingly so

I imagine my dreams before me.

Mine.  

your body broken like your soul.

Love hurts

It rips the heart apart

As you willingly surrender

Your soul no longer yours.

Love bruises

Hit in hidden places

While you cover any marks

Your head tells you it’s okay.

Love scars

The slaps turn to beatings

And you lie broken on the floor

Your nose dripping blood.

Love destroys

Hope no longer present

So you shoot up to be numb

Your track marks show your pain.

Love kills

No sense of worth

Because you think you need him

Your body broken like your soul.

Love ends

Abuse not worth a life

So you escape his hell

Your heart still aches.

Love heals

Mending all wounds

Even if you never forget

Your scars will still slowly fade.

her forever exhaustion written clearly on her once flawless face.

Back When She Was Beautiful: Part One

She was beautiful once. It was a long time ago. Before she sold her soul to the monster. The devil. It was back when her eyes sparkled with life and love. Before the light burnt out and the life was stolen from her. Stolen and given away to the pills. To the needle. To the tin foil and the pipes. To the street. She once strove for thinness, cursed with curves. But now she's too skinny. All ribs, gaunt, hollow face. Her porcelain skin once glowing, now pale and marked. The scars she sliced into her arm now match the scars on her heart and soul. Cuts that sliced deeply inside and out. The needle she's become a slave to punctures her skin, piercing her veins, leaving track marks down her neck. Down her mind. A complexion once clear is marked with blemishes, imperfections. Dark circles rim her dead eyes. Her forever exhaustion written clearly on her once flawless face. She thought dope would make her more stunning, perfect. She was wrong when she thought it would give her everything, back when she was beautiful.

the clouds were gray and cold, when the girl came in from the rain.

Here is my newest poem about my addiction and drinking. Hope you enjoy it. 


The Darkness

The clouds were gray and cold
When the girl came in from the
Darkness and falling rain.

She pushed her hair from her face
And wiped away the raindrops below her eyes
With a killer smile, she ordered
'Vodka water, hold the water.'

She took a gulp, slammed her glass
No grimace, not a rookie
Another and another ordered
Slammed down.

She finished her eight
With a beautiful giggle
Voice full of life, saying
'I can't believe I came in crying'
Mood clearly changed.

She looked at me with red rimmed blues
And suddenly understanding came
Sparkling clarity, in dead eyes
Those raindrops were tears
Falling in the dark off her pretty face.

her ability to break free growing, repairing the cracks in her soul.

This is a poem I have been writing off and on for years. I would always put it down, only to forget about and come across it again months later. I finally found it again and decided to finish it. I finally had the ending. I think writing it in the midst of bulimia and addiction, I could only write the beginning and middle. But now in recovery, I was able to see the finish line. Enjoy.

'ABC Poem'

She was Free

She was alone
Afraid to breath, to bleed
Ripped apart by their stares
Whispers and laughter erupts.

She was aware
Her innocence taken, broken
Each lie shredding the truth
The unveiling of her secret
Revealing of her soul.

She was accused
Blamed for the unthinkable, unbearable
Harsh comments bringing shame
Destroying the stability of her mind
Frustration bubbles over.

She was blamed
Told that she was despicable, deserving
Screams portraying her worthlessness
Shattering any remaining hope
Falling to her knees.

She was battered
Torn to bits by beatings, betrayals
Brutal remarks scar her skin
Searing pain into her soul
Shrieks rupture eardrums.

She was broken
Snapped in half by evil, enemies
Every bash breaking her spirit
Shattering her bones and strength
Tears slide down cheeks.

She was captured
Spirit shackled in rope, reined
Controlling her thoughts and will
Destroying all independence
Silent surrender palpable.

She was compared
Viewed against others prettiness, perfection
Never good enough, a failure
Crumbling her torn esteem
Head slumped in shame.

She was capable
Overcoming the impossible, indescribable.
Her ability to break free growing
Repairing the cracks in her soul
Becoming whole.

we found each other sinking, both lost without aspiration; no promise of tomorrow.

"Nicole's Ocean"

Dedicated to my Nicole, the girl who saved me from sinking and taught me how to swim. I hope this poem is half as beautiful as you are. You're my guardian angel of the sea. Enjoy <3 

I found her floating
Floating in the deep sea,
The deep sea of lost souls
The deep sea I'd been drifting along endlessly.

Some days I was sinking,
Drowning to the depths of pain
She grasped my soul
Pulled me back up
Returned air to my lungs, my heart
Returned me to the surface of hope.

We spent our time drifting
Floating together in perfect harmony
Letting the lull of the waves
Bring us back home.

Two moons later, the sky roared with thunder
Waves rippled, tide changing course
I braced for rough sea with fear
To be dragged down to despair once more
She looked at me in silence.

The current seized her body
Under-toe enraptured her life
I knew where she was headed, been there before
I watched as she surrendered,
Relinquishing her soul to the sea.

Taken to join the others
Those who had been lost
To a place so dark, so ugly
A place with only hopelessness
Despair feeding on her existence.

I knew where she was going
But I lingered, suddenly cold
Frozen with horror, I struggled
My life was flashing with the lightening
Bolting me to reality
I had no life without her.

I shoved away my panic
Dove beneath the water, submerged myself in darkness
Swimming blind, I'd lost my way
When a light appeared
Guiding me to her
I fought until exhaustion, seeking, searching

Finally I came across my illuminated destination
The glowing of her essence
I tugged at her spirit,
So stunning, beyond belief
I willed our way to freedom
Breaking through the oceans barrier
With our breath, came a new perception.
Intuition emerging with us.

I thought that I had found her
Floating in the shadows
A gift brought to me
My guardian angel of the sea
But now I knew, we found each other
Fate had found us too

We found each other sinking
Both lost without aspiration
No promise of tomorrow
But as we came together,
Our faith had been restored
We clung to one another, bodies close
Each other's life-vest.

So with her love
With her light
We started swimming
Swimming not as two, but one
Starting on our journey
Lost no more, we headed home.