she sparkled like the midnight stars

She sparkled
Like the midnight stars
Shining brightly,
Illuminating the sky
As she fell apart.

you came to me when i was broken

Hey everyone, I'm back! Everything in my life has been going so well and I'm happy to announce that I am officially taken. Here is a poem I wrote for my incredible, sexy, smart, loving, amazing boyfriend, Krishani. I love him more than words can explain, but I'll give it a try:

you came to me when i was broken

climbing inside my heart 

sewing the pieces back together

you came to me when i was broken

entering my precious body 

making the pieces beautiful again

you came to me when i was broken

seeing into my damaged mind

changing every thought to artwork

you came to me when i was broken

clinging deeply into my soul

weaving us tightly together

you came to me when i was broken

fixing each part of my entity 

mending me until i was whole,

relapse is apart of recovery.

So I have been so busy with everything that has been going on in my life.

I have recently stopped writing for those blogs. With school and everything that has been going on in my life I just couldn't keep up. Plus, I realized I need to write for me.

I have felt so burnt out these last few months because I was writing so, so much for other people and nothing for myself, I realized I need to get back to writing for my own eyes and a smaller audience in order to get my head back in the right place.

In terms of my ED, things that got better during group treatment have slipped back into those nasty habits. I don't go for my new assessment until November 2nd and it's getting hard to wait. I feel like I'm losing grips on my life again and it's scary as hell. I've completely relapsed in anyway that I made progress and it's horrible.

My depression has been bad again and no medication seems to be helping me. I'm starting to not know what to do.

As far as my addiction goes I can at least say that things have been better. I haven't been craving as much and I feel like this is the only part of my life that is in control.

I've been going to and running my meetings but I feel like nothing seems to help my ED and depression. It's like nobody really understands and I don't know who to turn to.

So, I'm back here hoping you guys will get it. I've missed you all.

Much love, xx/

writing is the art of the soul.

I'm bubbling with pride at the moment. I feel like my life is finally coming together. So you all know that I've been running Women for Sobriety (WFS) meetings at my local detox centre for the women in there. I guess a woman's shelter heard about me somehow and called to see if I could run WFS at their shelter once a week. It is such a wonderful, humbling, rewarding opportunity. I feel such happiness that my volunteering is making a difference. Not only that, it's saving people. There is one woman from detox who since attending the meeting I run, has been sober ever since. She's the only one so far, but only if I only save on life, it will be worth it.

I'm also going to be an aunt in less than 3 months! I'm so excited that I am sober and alive to be a part of the baby's life. I want my niece to be to have a role model in me, and I finally feel like I'm worthy of that title.

And on top of all that, my writing for both Substance for You and Sisters in Serenity and Sobriety is going amazingly well. I had two WFS members call me today to tell me how incredibly talented I am. I wouldn't go that far with it, but it's nice to be praised for my writing. Writing to me is taking all the negative, unhealthy, toxic energy from inside me and expelling it onto paper in the form of words, sentences and paragraphs. Writing is the soul's art. I am just honored to be able to express my soul in such a way that touches other people's lives.

I've missed you all, but I'm so happy to say that I'm feeling good. Except for the cold I have, but I'm in such a great mood, I don't even care about it.

Much love, xx.

the skinny on eating disorder myths.

http://substanceforyou.com/skinny-on-eating-disorder-myths-enough-bull/

Here is my newest article for substanceforyou.com. I'm pretty excited about this one, since I'm taking on the eating disorder myths that plague our society. Please read it and tell me what you think.

Much love, xx

i imagine my dreams before me, mine.

Warning: This poem is very violent sounding. It was intended to purge all of my anger the other day, so that is why it is full of such hatred. Just a warning so you all don't think I'm a psycho killer or something! Plus, as you will see, the whole idea was self-harm/death, not towards others.

I'm angry, frustrated

Annoyingly so

I imagine beating her senseless

I'm angry, pissed off

Aggressively so

I imagine the slitting of her throat

I'm angry, hurt

Painfully so

I imagine her slow death

I'm angry, enraged

Brutally so

I imagine watching the life leave her eyes

I'm angry, hateful

Deadly so,

I imagine laughing at her funeral

I'm angry, depressed

Overwhelmingly so

I imagine that she is me

I'm alive, enlightened

Breathtakingly so

I imagine my dreams before me.

Mine.  

my insides are screaming at me to just get high.

So good news! I'm feeling much better. 

The other day sort of got way out of hand when I had to speak to my brother about his drinking and talking to me while drunk. He's down visiting from out of town but has come home wasted almost every night this week.  It's just so frustrating and triggering when he talks to me like that. And for some reason the conversation always comes back to my recovery. So I'm talking to a person who's just waxed about not being waxed...it's awkward. Especially because my insides are screaming at me to just go get high so I can be in the same state. It sucks. So when I asked him not to, things got out of control and we fought. So I was in a bad mood and then sort of got into it with the guy who runs the site I've been writing for. It was mostly my fault and I escalated it pretty quick because of the two things happening around the exact same time. I feel bad about it, but everything is back to normal so that's good.

Anyways, not only do I get to write for Substance for You, I've also been asked to write for Sisters of Serenity and Sobriety, which is another huge website. It feels really good that my writing is being so well perceived. I feel really proud.

I've been missing you all, being so busy with everything I've sort of been neglecting my own blog, so my goal is to catch up with all three.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Much love, xx.