http://substanceforyou.com/skinny-on-eating-disorder-myths-enough-bull/
Here is my newest article for substanceforyou.com. I'm pretty excited about this one, since I'm taking on the eating disorder myths that plague our society. Please read it and tell me what you think.
Much love, xx
Showing posts with label eating disorder awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating disorder awareness. Show all posts
Friday, 7 August 2015
Sunday, 19 July 2015
Friday, 3 July 2015
if you don't want to be possessed by something, don't obsess.
So I got asked to be a full-time guest blogger for the Substance for You website! My first two articles on eating disorders were so well taken that I was asked to keep writing them on an ongoing basis. I couldn't be more proud. Here is the one I just wrote on food rituals and rules. Let me know what you think! Much love, xx.
One day I was out for lunch with some friends from a support group. I, as usual, ordered the healthiest thing on the menu (read: the lowest calorie dish on the menu) with salad as a starter. When my food arrived, steaming hot and smelling delicious, my mouth watered. It's been almost 24 hours without food. I had to starve myself for a whole day to be able to go out for lunch. My body is screaming at me in hunger. I look at the food in front of me with a sudden rush of panic. Thoughts swirl through my head:
“I can't eat this, it's too much food.”
“I don't know what's in it or how many calories there really are.”
“What if the chef used too much butter/dressing/oil/sauce?”
My friends have already started to dig into their equally delicious looking meals. They can see my hesitation and ask if something is wrong. I shake my head and pick up my fork. As I'm moving the fork towards my food, my mind is quickly doing its automatic analysis. It calculates calories, grams of fat, sugar, etc instantaneously. Then it tells me the best way to eat in a specific order: healthiest to most 'fattening'. This is the way I have been eating for many, many years. I eat only the healthiest thing first, then will move on to the next. I never take bites of different things. I always eat all of one thing before allowing myself to start on something else. I had been doing this so long that it came as a shock to me when someone pointed it out.
“Why aren't you eating your (insert food here)?”
“I haven't finished my salad yet.”
“Oh. Well can't you have some of both?”
Being asked those questions absolutely stunned me. I honestly had no idea that this was a strange behaviour. I especially didn't realize that it was an eating disorder behaviour. Of course I had heard of food rituals, but I didn't think I did anything that would be considered one. I knew I had food rules, but not rituals. This was a completely new concept for me to wrap my head around.
Food rituals are the compulsive behaviours surrounding eating. They can range from pretty normal to completely bizarre and everything in between. Food rituals are common with all eating disorders, including anorexia and bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder and eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS). If any food rituals are interrupted or not completed it can cause severe anxiety and may result to compensatory behaviours from the individual. Some examples of food rituals are weighing and measuring food (often repeatedly), cutting food into small pieces, using specific bowls and cutlery, eating in specific orders, and eating rigid amounts of calories.
I have many of those rituals and some that I didn't mention. One of my biggest food rituals is measuring food. This stems from the need to know exactly what I'm putting in my body. If I don't know exactly how much I'm eating it causes extreme stress and anxiety. This also occurs because of my need to know how many calories I am eating at all times. Since I also have a rigid calorie allowance, not knowing what I'm consuming can throw off more than just that meal. It can ruin my whole day. This ritual is problematic when going out to a restaurant or for fast food. On the rare occasions where I do decide to eat outside of my house, it often involves extreme research into the specific restaurant. I will check their online nutrition guides so that I know what to order ahead of time. I try to avoid the places that do not provide this information online, but sometimes it can't be avoided. When this occurs I will usually always purge everything I eat due to the fact that I don't know how many calories I have eaten or what the ingredients were. I can't risk eating more than I should have, so I'd rather be empty inside than to overeat.
While speaking about eating out, I was reminded about another food ritual. I avoid eating in front of people at all costs. This is a pretty common ritual with individuals with eating disorders as the fear and anxiety surrounding eating in front of other people is too unbearable. If I eat with someone else I barely even taste the food because I'm too preoccupied with concerns of whether or not they think I'm fat. I question if they're watching me eat or if they think I'm eating too much. I worry that if I eat too little they will discover my secret. I constantly observe what they eat, partially because I'm jealous that they can eat more than me, but also because it causes me stress to eat more than the other person at my table. Another big fear is not being able to purge while out in public. I often have done it in public, but the fear of getting caught is worrisome and shameful. Not being able to purge before the calories are absorbed is an even worse thought. Just losing that option is enough to make me stay at home instead of eating out with friends. I'd often rather be completely alone to binge on my own with nobody judging me except myself and my eating disorder.
Another strange food ritual I have that I wasn't aware was weird was disassembling food. Many things I eat I will take apart in order to see what's inside. It makes me feel safer to eat some things separately. This is most common when I eat sandwich like foods. I often order subs and then completely pick them apart when I get home. I will remove almost half the ingredients I ordered and eat them first before moving on to the rest of the sub. For example, I will order lots of pickles on my vegetarian sub and then take them off to eat on their own. Even if I don't take anything off my food, I check it to make sure there are the right amount of things on it, in the proper order and in tolerable quantities. I arrange my food in very specific ways, again, usually with sandwich like things. I think this goes back to eating things in a specific order. When the food is all in one item, I feel less anxiety when I can put the toppings on in a way that I feel safe. I know rationally that this makes absolutely no difference, but the panic it causes when I can't do this is overwhelming.
Many food rituals are the result of strict food rules that develop overtime when someone has an eating disorder. Many of the rules are not based scientifically but are passed along through misguided advice, family role models, or are just created by the individual themselves. Food rules are rigid and often dictate when a person can eat, what they can eat, where to eat, and how much to eat. These food rules become obsessive and all consuming. I personally believe that these are the obsessive thoughts that result in compulsive food behaviours, as with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Food rules surrounding when to eat “involve specifying certain times and situations where food can be eaten” (Bulimia Anorexia Nervosa Association). This can also include avoiding eating all together or only eating after a certain point. For me, my rules around when I can eat are very black and white. I try at all costs to avoid eating anything before dinnertime. After than I will allow myself one small meal. I will not binge before 10pm, but after that I usually binge and purge repeatedly. I often binge and purge three or four times per day. Although this is something I have been working on in
treatment, it is a hard cycle to break and continues to be a struggle. I have had this food rule for so long that it will take a long time to break it.
Food rules that involve what to eat usually stem from the idea that some foods are 'good', while others are 'bad' or 'forbidden'. Food that the eating disordered individual thinks is especially fattening or 'dangerous' will be avoided at all costs. This often includes carbohydrates, sweets, fats, or anything when the ingredients are not known (i.e. at a restaurant). I personally have a huge list of 'forbidden' foods including pizza, junk food, sweets, simple carbohydrates, non-diet pop, chips, etc. This is not to say that I don't eat them. Many people with eating disorders fail to avoid the food they label as 'bad' which then results in feelings of guilt and shame. Removing the labels can help the individual feel better when they do eat something. As the BANA dietitian says, “All foods fit.”
Lastly, food rules that surround how much to eat often involve limiting or eliminating the quantity of food groups or calories consumed. According to BANA, this is often under 800 calories which is literally starvation. The body can not sustain it's functioning at that level of restriction. I have always tried to stay below 800 calories, which was my 'magic number'. I heard that number as a child and it has stuck in my head ever since. If I fail to eat under 800 calories, I will try to stay under 500 the next day in order to make up for my 'mistake'. This type of restriction often leads to binging and purging because I get so hungry that I lose control. In order to stop this cycle, I must eat normally during the day so that starvation doesn't lead me to binging at night. It's something that is easier said than done, however.
Food rules and rituals are very detrimental to those suffering with an eating disorder. They create an extreme preoccupation with food and dieting. This level of obsession is time consuming and is emotionally draining. Rules and rituals also lead to hunger and physical deprivation, emotional deprivation and physiological deprivation. The mind and body cannot function with this level of disordered eating and restriction, which results in malnutrition and worsened mental health. Binge eating is also a result of some of the strict rules and rituals surrounding eating disorders. As mentioned before, extreme hunger often results in the loss of control that is a binge. The food rules can also lead to emotional distress, especially when they are broken. Because the food rules are already set up to fail, this leads to feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, uselessness and self-hatred. The person may feel weak for not having enough self-control, when in reality the rules are completely unrealistic.
The fear of weight gain may create these rules and rituals surrounding food and eating, but it is a completely unhealthy and sad way to have to live. Nobody should have to live a life that is all about dieting, thoughts of food, worries of being fat, or hating themselves. It is important to realize that the rules are not accurate and are based on irrational fears rather than science. Hopefully once someone can admit that the rules are faulty, they will be able to break the rules and start eating intuitively rather than in a strict, rigid way. It is not the individual who is the failure, however, it is the food rule itself. Structured, normal eating is the best way to combat these rules. Giving your body the nutrition it needs will heal your body and your mind in time. There is hope.
One day I was out for lunch with some friends from a support group. I, as usual, ordered the healthiest thing on the menu (read: the lowest calorie dish on the menu) with salad as a starter. When my food arrived, steaming hot and smelling delicious, my mouth watered. It's been almost 24 hours without food. I had to starve myself for a whole day to be able to go out for lunch. My body is screaming at me in hunger. I look at the food in front of me with a sudden rush of panic. Thoughts swirl through my head:
“I can't eat this, it's too much food.”
“I don't know what's in it or how many calories there really are.”
“What if the chef used too much butter/dressing/oil/sauce?”
My friends have already started to dig into their equally delicious looking meals. They can see my hesitation and ask if something is wrong. I shake my head and pick up my fork. As I'm moving the fork towards my food, my mind is quickly doing its automatic analysis. It calculates calories, grams of fat, sugar, etc instantaneously. Then it tells me the best way to eat in a specific order: healthiest to most 'fattening'. This is the way I have been eating for many, many years. I eat only the healthiest thing first, then will move on to the next. I never take bites of different things. I always eat all of one thing before allowing myself to start on something else. I had been doing this so long that it came as a shock to me when someone pointed it out.
“Why aren't you eating your (insert food here)?”
“I haven't finished my salad yet.”
“Oh. Well can't you have some of both?”
Being asked those questions absolutely stunned me. I honestly had no idea that this was a strange behaviour. I especially didn't realize that it was an eating disorder behaviour. Of course I had heard of food rituals, but I didn't think I did anything that would be considered one. I knew I had food rules, but not rituals. This was a completely new concept for me to wrap my head around.
Food rituals are the compulsive behaviours surrounding eating. They can range from pretty normal to completely bizarre and everything in between. Food rituals are common with all eating disorders, including anorexia and bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder and eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS). If any food rituals are interrupted or not completed it can cause severe anxiety and may result to compensatory behaviours from the individual. Some examples of food rituals are weighing and measuring food (often repeatedly), cutting food into small pieces, using specific bowls and cutlery, eating in specific orders, and eating rigid amounts of calories.
I have many of those rituals and some that I didn't mention. One of my biggest food rituals is measuring food. This stems from the need to know exactly what I'm putting in my body. If I don't know exactly how much I'm eating it causes extreme stress and anxiety. This also occurs because of my need to know how many calories I am eating at all times. Since I also have a rigid calorie allowance, not knowing what I'm consuming can throw off more than just that meal. It can ruin my whole day. This ritual is problematic when going out to a restaurant or for fast food. On the rare occasions where I do decide to eat outside of my house, it often involves extreme research into the specific restaurant. I will check their online nutrition guides so that I know what to order ahead of time. I try to avoid the places that do not provide this information online, but sometimes it can't be avoided. When this occurs I will usually always purge everything I eat due to the fact that I don't know how many calories I have eaten or what the ingredients were. I can't risk eating more than I should have, so I'd rather be empty inside than to overeat.
While speaking about eating out, I was reminded about another food ritual. I avoid eating in front of people at all costs. This is a pretty common ritual with individuals with eating disorders as the fear and anxiety surrounding eating in front of other people is too unbearable. If I eat with someone else I barely even taste the food because I'm too preoccupied with concerns of whether or not they think I'm fat. I question if they're watching me eat or if they think I'm eating too much. I worry that if I eat too little they will discover my secret. I constantly observe what they eat, partially because I'm jealous that they can eat more than me, but also because it causes me stress to eat more than the other person at my table. Another big fear is not being able to purge while out in public. I often have done it in public, but the fear of getting caught is worrisome and shameful. Not being able to purge before the calories are absorbed is an even worse thought. Just losing that option is enough to make me stay at home instead of eating out with friends. I'd often rather be completely alone to binge on my own with nobody judging me except myself and my eating disorder.
Another strange food ritual I have that I wasn't aware was weird was disassembling food. Many things I eat I will take apart in order to see what's inside. It makes me feel safer to eat some things separately. This is most common when I eat sandwich like foods. I often order subs and then completely pick them apart when I get home. I will remove almost half the ingredients I ordered and eat them first before moving on to the rest of the sub. For example, I will order lots of pickles on my vegetarian sub and then take them off to eat on their own. Even if I don't take anything off my food, I check it to make sure there are the right amount of things on it, in the proper order and in tolerable quantities. I arrange my food in very specific ways, again, usually with sandwich like things. I think this goes back to eating things in a specific order. When the food is all in one item, I feel less anxiety when I can put the toppings on in a way that I feel safe. I know rationally that this makes absolutely no difference, but the panic it causes when I can't do this is overwhelming.
Many food rituals are the result of strict food rules that develop overtime when someone has an eating disorder. Many of the rules are not based scientifically but are passed along through misguided advice, family role models, or are just created by the individual themselves. Food rules are rigid and often dictate when a person can eat, what they can eat, where to eat, and how much to eat. These food rules become obsessive and all consuming. I personally believe that these are the obsessive thoughts that result in compulsive food behaviours, as with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Food rules surrounding when to eat “involve specifying certain times and situations where food can be eaten” (Bulimia Anorexia Nervosa Association). This can also include avoiding eating all together or only eating after a certain point. For me, my rules around when I can eat are very black and white. I try at all costs to avoid eating anything before dinnertime. After than I will allow myself one small meal. I will not binge before 10pm, but after that I usually binge and purge repeatedly. I often binge and purge three or four times per day. Although this is something I have been working on in
treatment, it is a hard cycle to break and continues to be a struggle. I have had this food rule for so long that it will take a long time to break it.
Food rules that involve what to eat usually stem from the idea that some foods are 'good', while others are 'bad' or 'forbidden'. Food that the eating disordered individual thinks is especially fattening or 'dangerous' will be avoided at all costs. This often includes carbohydrates, sweets, fats, or anything when the ingredients are not known (i.e. at a restaurant). I personally have a huge list of 'forbidden' foods including pizza, junk food, sweets, simple carbohydrates, non-diet pop, chips, etc. This is not to say that I don't eat them. Many people with eating disorders fail to avoid the food they label as 'bad' which then results in feelings of guilt and shame. Removing the labels can help the individual feel better when they do eat something. As the BANA dietitian says, “All foods fit.”
Lastly, food rules that surround how much to eat often involve limiting or eliminating the quantity of food groups or calories consumed. According to BANA, this is often under 800 calories which is literally starvation. The body can not sustain it's functioning at that level of restriction. I have always tried to stay below 800 calories, which was my 'magic number'. I heard that number as a child and it has stuck in my head ever since. If I fail to eat under 800 calories, I will try to stay under 500 the next day in order to make up for my 'mistake'. This type of restriction often leads to binging and purging because I get so hungry that I lose control. In order to stop this cycle, I must eat normally during the day so that starvation doesn't lead me to binging at night. It's something that is easier said than done, however.
Food rules and rituals are very detrimental to those suffering with an eating disorder. They create an extreme preoccupation with food and dieting. This level of obsession is time consuming and is emotionally draining. Rules and rituals also lead to hunger and physical deprivation, emotional deprivation and physiological deprivation. The mind and body cannot function with this level of disordered eating and restriction, which results in malnutrition and worsened mental health. Binge eating is also a result of some of the strict rules and rituals surrounding eating disorders. As mentioned before, extreme hunger often results in the loss of control that is a binge. The food rules can also lead to emotional distress, especially when they are broken. Because the food rules are already set up to fail, this leads to feelings of guilt, shame, worthlessness, uselessness and self-hatred. The person may feel weak for not having enough self-control, when in reality the rules are completely unrealistic.
The fear of weight gain may create these rules and rituals surrounding food and eating, but it is a completely unhealthy and sad way to have to live. Nobody should have to live a life that is all about dieting, thoughts of food, worries of being fat, or hating themselves. It is important to realize that the rules are not accurate and are based on irrational fears rather than science. Hopefully once someone can admit that the rules are faulty, they will be able to break the rules and start eating intuitively rather than in a strict, rigid way. It is not the individual who is the failure, however, it is the food rule itself. Structured, normal eating is the best way to combat these rules. Giving your body the nutrition it needs will heal your body and your mind in time. There is hope.
Thursday, 25 June 2015
twice the taste, half the calories.
Here is the second piece I wrote for the Substance for You website! It's based on living life with 'Mia' (bulimia). Normally I would call her Jenna (which is what I've named my bulimia identity) but for this piece, I wanted it to be easily understood and since bulimia is often refered to as Mia, I figured it'd be more straightforward than calling her Jenna like I usually do. I hope you like it! Let me know.
Spending My Life With Mia
I'd like to
introduce you to my best friend, support, love and life, Mia.
I met her over nine years ago when I was 14 years old. She came to me
in a time of need and scooped me up in her arms, whispering,
“Everything will be okay.” In that moment, I instantly trusted
her with my life, my well-being. For a while, she kept her promise to
me. She told me when to eat, or rather, when not to eat. She told me
how often to exercise to achieve that perfect, skinny body I was
yearning for. And when I slipped up and stuffed my 'fat' face, she
taught me just how to fix it, teaching me to purge. “Twice the
taste, half the calories,” she said. I didn't know then that she
wasn't the friend I thought she was. She was helping me. She was the
one that was responsible for all of the pounds of fat that were
falling off my body. She was my source of strength, control,
will-power, and happiness. She was the only one who understood my
desire for a stick-thin frame.
I adored Mia, I
thought she was this beautiful entity that chose me, seeing something
special in me. I thought she saw my potential, my beauty, hidden
behind those extra 100 pounds. I thought she was the definition of
perfection and when she promised me that I would be just like her, I
was taken. She knew she had me. And for a time, she was everything I
had hoped for. But her kind advice and support quickly turned to
malicious hatred and criticism. Not a day went by where she didn't
have some sort of complaint. Even if I only had one apple for the
whole day, Mia would call me a “fat, careless pig.” She would
insult me until I was metaphorically on the ground begging for help.
And then she would tell me to go to the gym until I burnt the apple
and the some, off. I would always comply. It didn't matter what her
demand was, I would do anything to absolve myself from the food
crimes I had committed. I would do anything to change her hatred back
into praise. I was like a battered woman, making excuses for Mia no
matter how horribly she treated me. She would kick me while I was
down and I would run back to her crying and begging for forgiveness.
Sometimes she'd finally praise me after I had run for hours, purged
all that I ate and restricted all day. She'd promise that she'd stop
being so harsh, but by the next meal, she'd be back to her evil,
hateful self.
On a
particularly bad day, Mia was her usual alluring, charmingly evil
self. As she did most days, she demanded I get on the scale. I
complied, the need to know my weight now imprinted on my mind. I took
a deep breath, preparing myself for the verbal abuse that was about
to come my way. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that cereal last night.
I stepped on, eyes closed. Mia beckoned me to open them, to look at
the number that was taunting me from the scale. I gathered my courage
and finally took a peak. In my mind I was ecstatic. I had lost XX
pounds! “ Mia will be so happy”, I told myself. But I was
wrong. Almost instantly she started in on me with harsh words and
insults. She knew my weak spots, my insecurities and used them to her
advantage. Our argument looked something like this:
“You really
think XX pounds is good enough? Are you kidding me? You're pathetic.”
I'm sorry,
I'll try harder. But at least I lost, right?
“You will try
harder. You think you can just sit on your fat ass? That's not
enough. You can't eat at all today. Not one calorie will enter that
fat, ugly mouth of yours!”
You're
right, I can't afford to eat today.
“You don't
deserve to eat. Not today, or ever. No wonder nobody at school
wants to be your friend. I wouldn't want to be friends with a weak,
humongous worthless person like you!”
I'm sorry, I
should have listened to you.
“If you can't
follow simple instructions or simply control yourself, you don't
deserve to be here. I think maybe you should just kill yourself.
Nobody would even care.”
Maybe I
will. I didn't meant to let you down. I let everyone down.
“No you won't.
We both know you're to weak and pathetic to go through with it.
You're nothing but a fat coward! I think you deserve a slower, more
painful death. Much like the one I have planned for you.”
But I don't
want to die, not really!
“Then why did
you want me to stay? Didn't you know that bulimia is a death
sentence? Idiot.”
At the time, I
truly didn't know that Mia would kill me. She seemed so kind and
caring in the beginning. She seemed like a miracle solution for
perfection. It was that day that I knew she would never, ever be
happy. I had achieved my goal weight, in fact, I had lost more than
my goal weight. I worked out almost constantly and starved myself.
But no matter what I did, Mia wasn't happy. She wanted more and more.
She wanted lower numbers, more workouts, lower measurements, smaller
sizes. She wanted me to waste away to nothing.
And all the
while, she was taking up residence in my head. Slowly pushing my own
identity out so that she could take over my body. The more she beat
me down, the more I felt I needed her, so I let her in more and more.
Each day was a cycle of weighing, starving, exercising, binging,
purging, weighing, binging, purging, weighing, starving. I weighed myself more than 20 times a day. I weighed after every meal, binge,
purge, workout or just when ever I 'felt fat.' My world revolved
around numbers and calories, sizes and measurements. I spent hours
upon hours in front of the mirror examining my body. I would pinch
the fat, suck in my stomach, turn from side to side. I would stare
and pick apart at my flaws. No matter how much I lost, my reflection
always appeared huge. Mia had entered my mind and distorted my eye
sight and self-perceptions. I turned to measuring tapes to try and
figure out what I looked like, but they never seemed to match up. I
literally had no idea what I looked like.
And to this day,
I still can't decipher what I look like. I couldn't tell you if I
weight 300 pounds or 90 pounds. But it really doesn't matter. I was
just as sick at my highest weight as I was at my lowest. Bulimia, and
eating disorders in general, do not discriminate. They will take all
races, ages, genders and most importantly, shapes and sizes as their
victims. Eating disorders will attack their victims slowly, withering
them away to nothing.
Over time Mia
became apart of me. I was no longer Jordyn, the loving daughter,
intelligent student, talented equestrian. I was only on the sidelines
while Mia took over my identity. I became nothing but my eating
disorder. Every lie, manipulation, binge, purge, starvation was Mia's
doing. I no longer knew who I was, what I liked doing, or who I
wanted to become. All I knew was that I needed to be skinny. I only
cared about numbers, food, and weight. Nothing else mattered.
Mia slowly
isolated me from my friends, family, boyfriend and hobbies. School
and horseback riding lost importance for me in comparison to bulimia.
It was all I knew anymore. Thinking about not having Mia anymore sent
me into a complete panic. Without her I literally would be nobody.
At least, I
thought I would be nobody. It took nine years, millions of weigh-ins,
binges, purges and calories burnt, but I have finally realized that
Mia is only out to hurt and kill me. I still fear losing her, but I
no longer want to live my days obsessed with weight and appearance. I
might miss Mia a bit, but I won't miss the endless, exhausting cycle
of starving, binging and purging. I won't miss the sore throats, the
hair loss, the depression or the pain. I know now that I can be more
than my bulimia. I know that I don't need Mia. I just need me.
Tuesday, 23 June 2015
writing is the whispering of the soul.
http://substanceforyou.com/a-personal-perspective-on-bulimia/
My piece on bulimia was published! I am so incredibly proud and happy! I've been getting such positive feedback too, I couldn't be more excited. I feel that it is helping to raise an understanding and awareness about eating disorders.
I would really appreciate if you guys went to the site and shared the link via twitter/facebook or even if you just pass it along on here! I just believe that it can help our cause and will spread the message about what eating disorders can do to someone. I would really appreciate if you did.
On another note, I meet with the program coordinator of my local detox tomorrow to discuss Women for Sobriety meetings. I'm super nervous but also excited to convey my message to him. I just know that it will do some good for the women in detox and will at least make that one day a positive day for them. And it will give them another option for meetings.
I will check back in tomorrow with news on how it went. Wish me luck!
My piece on bulimia was published! I am so incredibly proud and happy! I've been getting such positive feedback too, I couldn't be more excited. I feel that it is helping to raise an understanding and awareness about eating disorders.
I would really appreciate if you guys went to the site and shared the link via twitter/facebook or even if you just pass it along on here! I just believe that it can help our cause and will spread the message about what eating disorders can do to someone. I would really appreciate if you did.
On another note, I meet with the program coordinator of my local detox tomorrow to discuss Women for Sobriety meetings. I'm super nervous but also excited to convey my message to him. I just know that it will do some good for the women in detox and will at least make that one day a positive day for them. And it will give them another option for meetings.
I will check back in tomorrow with news on how it went. Wish me luck!
Sunday, 21 June 2015
it takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Here is my first bulimia post for the blog site (Substance for You) that asked me to write. I'm pretty confident that it's good, but I'm still nervous that he won't like it. So let me know what you think! It's long so sorry for the timely read. The next one will be coming soon.
Childhood is supposed to be a time for bike rides, camping trips, school work, friends, birthday parties and happy memories. For most, this is the case. Many people can look back on their childhood and smile as they remember the carefree playing that only children do. For many though, childhood memories are tinged with sadness, anxiety, and painful memories. My personal childhood memories consist of arguments, my mother's relapses, pressure to do well, bullying and criticism. Children are not supposed to feel shame if they aren't a perfect in every way. They are not supposed to feel like they aren't good enough simply because of their weight or appearance. The sad truth is, I, along with many other children, felt exactly this way.
Unfortunately, our society is one that encourages thinness, beauty, and physical attractiveness over tons of other valuable qualities. To many women (and men), dieting to achieve that 'perfect' goal weight is more important than being healthy role models for their children. In fact, dieting is promoted so much that the majority of girls and women are on a diet numerous times during their lifespan. According to the National Eating Disorder Information Center (NEDIC), more than half of young girls (1/3 of boys) engage in unhealthy eating behaviors ranging from fasting and purging, to laxative/diuretic use. NEDIC also states that approximately 1.5% of teenage girls go on to develop a severe eating disorder. So in a society surrounded by beauty campaigns, emaciated models, and diet ads, I don't think the question should be 'How do girls/boys develop eating disorders?' but should be 'How do girls/boys not develop eating disorders?'
Being someone who has struggled with bulimia nervosa for nine years (about half of my life), I can't tell you how to prevent an eating disorder. But I can tell you some of the reasons I personally believe led to my eating disorder so long ago. Like so many things do, I truly believe it started in my early childhood years.
One of the most common memories I had of my parents were the obsessive, extreme diets they would both try in order to lose weight. My family was either stuffing their faces or barely eating at all. So from the very beginning, I never had healthy eating role models. This led to my childhood obesity. By the time I was in grade eight I weighed over 250 pounds. My parents would voice their concern about my weight to me very often. I know now that they were concerned about my health, as well as the risk of me being bullied. They were right, but at the time these comments always just made me feel ashamed of myself. I started comparing my huge body to the tiny frames of my friends. Finally, the summer before high-school, I decided I would lose weight. I wanted, no, needed, to be skinny for grade nine. So I did all that I knew to do-diet. I basically starved myself for a year and overexercised until I reached my goal weight, losing over 100 pounds. But somewhere along the line, my goal weight became smaller and smaller. No matter what weight I reached, I still saw that 250 pound girl staring back at me in the mirror.
The first time I purged was before going to the gym to see my personal trainer. I was 14. She did weekly weigh ins and I lived for the praise she would give me when I lost huge amounts of weight. But before I went, I slipped up badly. I had been starving myself for so long that sometimes I would break and just completely lose control. I would binge to the point of extreme fullness. After doing this, I suddenly felt guilt and fear. I knew the number on the scale would go up. I could not let her see that I had been so 'weak'. So I did what I thought would be a one time, harmless act. I threw it all up, cleaned up and went to see her. I don't remember what the scale said that day, but I do know that purging became an everyday thing. At it's worst, I would purge 4-5 times per day at least.
My bulimia quickly crept into my head and took up permanent residence in my mind. As I've struggled with this mental illness, it has become clear to me that the symptoms have little to do with the actual weight or food. They're simply symptoms that are an indication of severe core issues with self-esteem and mental health. At 18 I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder, but I had felt that way as long as I can remember. These feelings of extreme anxiety over everything and anything, especially social situations had a huge impact on the way my weight made me feel. No matter who I was with, I was always self-conscious, comparing myself to others in every way possible. As my bulimia progressed, all I thought about was whether or not I was smaller than other people. I'd worry everyday that people would stare at my 'fat' body. My depression resulted in feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and suicidal idealizations. Depression exacerbated my eating disorder by removing what was left of my low self-worth, self-esteem, and hope for a happy life. All of my mental illnesses combined together to make me feel that I was only of any value if I was X number of pounds.
The sad thing is though, your eating disorder is never happy. It doesn't matter how much you lose, bulimia always wants more. It lures its victims in with promises that being thin will make your depression and anxiety go away. It promises happiness, but in reality buries you deeper into the depths of depression. It slowly takes over your mind and before you know it, you're no longer in control. Every action, thought, emotion is eating disorder related. Your mind suddenly revolves around numbers. Numbers on the scale, numbers of calories, numbers of sit-ups. Numbers, numbers, and more numbers swirl through your mind every second. Thoughts of food are all consuming as you go through a cycle of starvation to binging and purging. Your eating disorder tells you that it's okay to steal food, because you've been so good all week, you deserve to have a treat. Until you have it, then your mind is completely overwhelmed with guilt, shame and self-hatred. Or it convinces you that four hours of exercise is fine because, exercise is healthy. And when you can't do it, you feel like a weak, pathetic, failure, which furthers your bond with bulimia and its 'perfection.'
You start to believe that it's your only friend, support, and only sense of strength and control. You start to rely on your eating disorder to get you through the day. It becomes your way to cope with the overwhelming feelings of depression, worthlessness, pain, anger, etc. It helps you cope with the things you can't control as it gives you a false sense of power over your life. The reality is though, that the more you feel in control, the less control you truly have over your eating disorder. Every single aspect of your life becomes a false sense of reality. An illusion. You can no longer trust the image in the mirror, the food labels, the scales. You can't trust anything but your bulimia. Any attempt at help from others is now viewed as an attack on your eating disorder. This is when your mindset allows lies and manipulation into the list of things that are morally acceptable. You need your eating disorder so badly that you'd do and say anything to protect it. However, you'd also do anything to prevent any protection for yourself. You feel worthless while you think your eating disorder is worth any amount of manipulation, arguing, sneaking, etc. You feel your eating disorder is worth your life.
My bulimia, I believe, is a result of both genetic and environmental factors. I was prone to mental illness and then the lack of healthy role models, the constant arguing of my parents, my mother's alcoholism, and the pressure to be perfect in every way led to the feelings of depression and anxiety. I never felt good enough. I ended up turning to food as a way to deal with the anxiety of my unstable external life. This binge eating as a child led to my obesity, which further worsened my esteem and mental illnesses, which resulted in the diet that started my bulimia. Further praise and pressure to do well maintained my disorder over time. I have now struggled with my eating disorder for nine years. Eating disordered individuals are prone to a high risk of co-morbidity with other mental illnesses. It's unsure whether or not they came first or were the result of an eating disorder. For me, some of my mental illnesses were the underlying core issues. However, my addiction to opiates came afterwards and only added fuel to the fire. I now had two unhealthy ways to cope with the traumas in my life. My addiction also helped me to curb my appetite, further exacerbating my bulimia.
It wasn't until I got sober in August 2014 that I realized that I needed to do something about my bulimia or I would risk relapsing, or worse, dying from my disease. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness. Hearing that fact resulted in a huge wake up call. I am now in outpatient treatment with a local organization called the Bulimia Anorexia Nervosa Association (BANA). I would love to tell you that now my life is great and that I am free from the vice like grip of bulimia. But that would be a lie. Eating disorders, like addiction, are life long illnesses that you can never cure. They both will be with me for the rest of my life. Unlike addiction, however, abstinence from food is not an option. Everyone has to eat, so the struggle in recovery is learning to have a healthy relationship with food. Individuals in recovery must learn to eat in a healthy moderation. We must learn to accept our bodies the way they are and to learn better coping skills for all our emotions. We can no longer numb or hide from emotions like we had in the past.
My recovery will be a long, uphill road. But I am optimistic. I was strong enough to overcome addiction, traumatic relationships, death, and hardship, so I am confident in my ability to beat this too. It won't be easy, but hopefully one day I will be able to say that it was completely worth it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and some of the things that led to my bulimia. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, I urge you to get the help you need before it's too late.
Childhood is supposed to be a time for bike rides, camping trips, school work, friends, birthday parties and happy memories. For most, this is the case. Many people can look back on their childhood and smile as they remember the carefree playing that only children do. For many though, childhood memories are tinged with sadness, anxiety, and painful memories. My personal childhood memories consist of arguments, my mother's relapses, pressure to do well, bullying and criticism. Children are not supposed to feel shame if they aren't a perfect in every way. They are not supposed to feel like they aren't good enough simply because of their weight or appearance. The sad truth is, I, along with many other children, felt exactly this way.
Unfortunately, our society is one that encourages thinness, beauty, and physical attractiveness over tons of other valuable qualities. To many women (and men), dieting to achieve that 'perfect' goal weight is more important than being healthy role models for their children. In fact, dieting is promoted so much that the majority of girls and women are on a diet numerous times during their lifespan. According to the National Eating Disorder Information Center (NEDIC), more than half of young girls (1/3 of boys) engage in unhealthy eating behaviors ranging from fasting and purging, to laxative/diuretic use. NEDIC also states that approximately 1.5% of teenage girls go on to develop a severe eating disorder. So in a society surrounded by beauty campaigns, emaciated models, and diet ads, I don't think the question should be 'How do girls/boys develop eating disorders?' but should be 'How do girls/boys not develop eating disorders?'
Being someone who has struggled with bulimia nervosa for nine years (about half of my life), I can't tell you how to prevent an eating disorder. But I can tell you some of the reasons I personally believe led to my eating disorder so long ago. Like so many things do, I truly believe it started in my early childhood years.
One of the most common memories I had of my parents were the obsessive, extreme diets they would both try in order to lose weight. My family was either stuffing their faces or barely eating at all. So from the very beginning, I never had healthy eating role models. This led to my childhood obesity. By the time I was in grade eight I weighed over 250 pounds. My parents would voice their concern about my weight to me very often. I know now that they were concerned about my health, as well as the risk of me being bullied. They were right, but at the time these comments always just made me feel ashamed of myself. I started comparing my huge body to the tiny frames of my friends. Finally, the summer before high-school, I decided I would lose weight. I wanted, no, needed, to be skinny for grade nine. So I did all that I knew to do-diet. I basically starved myself for a year and overexercised until I reached my goal weight, losing over 100 pounds. But somewhere along the line, my goal weight became smaller and smaller. No matter what weight I reached, I still saw that 250 pound girl staring back at me in the mirror.
The first time I purged was before going to the gym to see my personal trainer. I was 14. She did weekly weigh ins and I lived for the praise she would give me when I lost huge amounts of weight. But before I went, I slipped up badly. I had been starving myself for so long that sometimes I would break and just completely lose control. I would binge to the point of extreme fullness. After doing this, I suddenly felt guilt and fear. I knew the number on the scale would go up. I could not let her see that I had been so 'weak'. So I did what I thought would be a one time, harmless act. I threw it all up, cleaned up and went to see her. I don't remember what the scale said that day, but I do know that purging became an everyday thing. At it's worst, I would purge 4-5 times per day at least.
My bulimia quickly crept into my head and took up permanent residence in my mind. As I've struggled with this mental illness, it has become clear to me that the symptoms have little to do with the actual weight or food. They're simply symptoms that are an indication of severe core issues with self-esteem and mental health. At 18 I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety and generalized anxiety disorder, but I had felt that way as long as I can remember. These feelings of extreme anxiety over everything and anything, especially social situations had a huge impact on the way my weight made me feel. No matter who I was with, I was always self-conscious, comparing myself to others in every way possible. As my bulimia progressed, all I thought about was whether or not I was smaller than other people. I'd worry everyday that people would stare at my 'fat' body. My depression resulted in feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and suicidal idealizations. Depression exacerbated my eating disorder by removing what was left of my low self-worth, self-esteem, and hope for a happy life. All of my mental illnesses combined together to make me feel that I was only of any value if I was X number of pounds.
The sad thing is though, your eating disorder is never happy. It doesn't matter how much you lose, bulimia always wants more. It lures its victims in with promises that being thin will make your depression and anxiety go away. It promises happiness, but in reality buries you deeper into the depths of depression. It slowly takes over your mind and before you know it, you're no longer in control. Every action, thought, emotion is eating disorder related. Your mind suddenly revolves around numbers. Numbers on the scale, numbers of calories, numbers of sit-ups. Numbers, numbers, and more numbers swirl through your mind every second. Thoughts of food are all consuming as you go through a cycle of starvation to binging and purging. Your eating disorder tells you that it's okay to steal food, because you've been so good all week, you deserve to have a treat. Until you have it, then your mind is completely overwhelmed with guilt, shame and self-hatred. Or it convinces you that four hours of exercise is fine because, exercise is healthy. And when you can't do it, you feel like a weak, pathetic, failure, which furthers your bond with bulimia and its 'perfection.'
You start to believe that it's your only friend, support, and only sense of strength and control. You start to rely on your eating disorder to get you through the day. It becomes your way to cope with the overwhelming feelings of depression, worthlessness, pain, anger, etc. It helps you cope with the things you can't control as it gives you a false sense of power over your life. The reality is though, that the more you feel in control, the less control you truly have over your eating disorder. Every single aspect of your life becomes a false sense of reality. An illusion. You can no longer trust the image in the mirror, the food labels, the scales. You can't trust anything but your bulimia. Any attempt at help from others is now viewed as an attack on your eating disorder. This is when your mindset allows lies and manipulation into the list of things that are morally acceptable. You need your eating disorder so badly that you'd do and say anything to protect it. However, you'd also do anything to prevent any protection for yourself. You feel worthless while you think your eating disorder is worth any amount of manipulation, arguing, sneaking, etc. You feel your eating disorder is worth your life.
My bulimia, I believe, is a result of both genetic and environmental factors. I was prone to mental illness and then the lack of healthy role models, the constant arguing of my parents, my mother's alcoholism, and the pressure to be perfect in every way led to the feelings of depression and anxiety. I never felt good enough. I ended up turning to food as a way to deal with the anxiety of my unstable external life. This binge eating as a child led to my obesity, which further worsened my esteem and mental illnesses, which resulted in the diet that started my bulimia. Further praise and pressure to do well maintained my disorder over time. I have now struggled with my eating disorder for nine years. Eating disordered individuals are prone to a high risk of co-morbidity with other mental illnesses. It's unsure whether or not they came first or were the result of an eating disorder. For me, some of my mental illnesses were the underlying core issues. However, my addiction to opiates came afterwards and only added fuel to the fire. I now had two unhealthy ways to cope with the traumas in my life. My addiction also helped me to curb my appetite, further exacerbating my bulimia.
It wasn't until I got sober in August 2014 that I realized that I needed to do something about my bulimia or I would risk relapsing, or worse, dying from my disease. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness. Hearing that fact resulted in a huge wake up call. I am now in outpatient treatment with a local organization called the Bulimia Anorexia Nervosa Association (BANA). I would love to tell you that now my life is great and that I am free from the vice like grip of bulimia. But that would be a lie. Eating disorders, like addiction, are life long illnesses that you can never cure. They both will be with me for the rest of my life. Unlike addiction, however, abstinence from food is not an option. Everyone has to eat, so the struggle in recovery is learning to have a healthy relationship with food. Individuals in recovery must learn to eat in a healthy moderation. We must learn to accept our bodies the way they are and to learn better coping skills for all our emotions. We can no longer numb or hide from emotions like we had in the past.
My recovery will be a long, uphill road. But I am optimistic. I was strong enough to overcome addiction, traumatic relationships, death, and hardship, so I am confident in my ability to beat this too. It won't be easy, but hopefully one day I will be able to say that it was completely worth it.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and some of the things that led to my bulimia. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, I urge you to get the help you need before it's too late.
Friday, 19 June 2015
as a writer, you ask yourself to dream while awake.
I've been asked to write a blog post for this cool website about addiction and recovery. I asked to write a piece on addiction, but when the owner found out about my bulimia, he said he'd love some on eating disorders. So I promised him two different ones. One will be about 'One day in the life of Bulimia' and another is how they develop, the mindset when you have one, and the mental health issues that can lead to one. I'm pretty exicted, but also incredibly nervous.
This will be me writing as me. Not writing as Jenna or Roxy, which are my ED and addiction identities, as you know. I feel safe being Roxy-an addict, or Jenna-the bulimic. It's been so long since I've written as my own person. I feel a bit exposed. But at the same time, it is a huge honour to be able to write these. I feel like I'll be speaking on behalf of every single one of us. Telling my story and yours. Because when it comes down to it, we may be on different sides, but we're still on the same coin that is eating disorders.
I don't even know where to start. There are so many ideas swirling around in my head. So many thoughts and emotions I want to share with readers. So many facts and stats about eating disorders. I don't even know how they'll all fit into two 1500 word posts. I need to set some time aside, write all my ideas down and come up with a rough draft. It's not like my blog here where I just get an idea, do a bit of research, find a quote that suits my idea, and then just start writing and letting the words fall as they may. This one has to be much more structured, accurate, and well-written. I'll have a broader audience with very intelligent respected people who have written before me. So I need this to be amazing.
Then again, maybe I shouldn't be so worried and obsessed. I feel like thinking to much into might just set me up for failure. I'll be so nervous that I won't be writing at my A-game. I think the best move will be to write for you. I do it almost everyday. I respect each of you even more than the other people on this site. And I trust you with my secrets. I know none of you will judge. So if I write it for you guys, then I think it'll be true perfection: where my honesty, passion, and flaws make the writing imperfectly perfect. I feel like I'll connect better to the audience if I think the audience will be my follows and readers here.
So thank-you for being my role models, supports, inspirations, and audience. I appreciate you all so much, even if my fan base isn't huge. I care for each of you in a profound way that can only be understood by others with these awful disorders. We're connected by our ED's and recovery in a way that is unfathomable to others. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Much love, xx.
P.S. I will share the posts I write for this site as soon as they're finished!
This will be me writing as me. Not writing as Jenna or Roxy, which are my ED and addiction identities, as you know. I feel safe being Roxy-an addict, or Jenna-the bulimic. It's been so long since I've written as my own person. I feel a bit exposed. But at the same time, it is a huge honour to be able to write these. I feel like I'll be speaking on behalf of every single one of us. Telling my story and yours. Because when it comes down to it, we may be on different sides, but we're still on the same coin that is eating disorders.
I don't even know where to start. There are so many ideas swirling around in my head. So many thoughts and emotions I want to share with readers. So many facts and stats about eating disorders. I don't even know how they'll all fit into two 1500 word posts. I need to set some time aside, write all my ideas down and come up with a rough draft. It's not like my blog here where I just get an idea, do a bit of research, find a quote that suits my idea, and then just start writing and letting the words fall as they may. This one has to be much more structured, accurate, and well-written. I'll have a broader audience with very intelligent respected people who have written before me. So I need this to be amazing.
Then again, maybe I shouldn't be so worried and obsessed. I feel like thinking to much into might just set me up for failure. I'll be so nervous that I won't be writing at my A-game. I think the best move will be to write for you. I do it almost everyday. I respect each of you even more than the other people on this site. And I trust you with my secrets. I know none of you will judge. So if I write it for you guys, then I think it'll be true perfection: where my honesty, passion, and flaws make the writing imperfectly perfect. I feel like I'll connect better to the audience if I think the audience will be my follows and readers here.
So thank-you for being my role models, supports, inspirations, and audience. I appreciate you all so much, even if my fan base isn't huge. I care for each of you in a profound way that can only be understood by others with these awful disorders. We're connected by our ED's and recovery in a way that is unfathomable to others. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Much love, xx.
P.S. I will share the posts I write for this site as soon as they're finished!
Friday, 12 June 2015
dear niece, some day you will shine.
I follow this facebook group called 'Beating Eating Disorders'. It's very pro-recovery and posts inspirational messages, photos, videos etc. and is run by two girls who are in recovery themselves. I absolutely love them and they give me such hope on bad days. I just saw this post, from one of the girls who runs the group. She wrote a letter to her young niece about self-love and wrote to her about loving her body the way it is. It's beautiful. I've copied it here for you all to read. I think I might write one for my first niece who is on the way and will be born in October.
"Grace,
I know you are only turning four this weekend, but I know you will eventually ask about your body - wondering about your size and shape, why you look the way you do, why others look different.
Important questions that I’m glad you will ask, this is my best answer:
You were born to be you.
You are not supposed to look like your cousin, like me, or like any of your classmates.
You might notice similarities, and that’s fine, but you are completely unique. You are important to this world, you are supposed to be here, and the design of your body is part of the greater plan of who you are – it should be no other way.
You may hear that you are supposed to look like this or that, or you may notice magazines or billboards that reflect a certain image, but they aren’t real. They are people, just like you, who have been made up, dressed up, and air brushed. This isn’t reality, it’s their work.
It’s great to have a healthy body and feel good about how you look, but self love is not about falling in love with your appearance. It’s about knowing your insides – your bliss, your gifts, your ability to share and experience joy.
Self love will hold you up in every aspect of your life because people will treat you as you treat yourself. When you love yourself you won’t allow others to take advantage of you. And if someone intentionally decides to hurt you, you will find support and begin the process of healing so you can forgive. Not to condone the behavior, but so you don’t carry around somebody else’s pain.
Taking care of yourself is your most important job – it’s the only way you will have energy to take care of others. So don’t waste time disliking yourself, spend time noticing your beauty instead. If you do, you will notice that everybody is beautiful, and you will be surrounded by people and experiences that reflect this understanding.
I see you when you are happily lost in yourself; when you are laughing, singing, playing, and twirling. You shine so brightly I get tears in my eyes. I feel your joy in being who you are, and I know that will always live inside you.
But at certain times you will forget, because unfortunately, we all do.
So your job is to have faith in that place, to remember that it’s not outside, it’s not in another person, it’s not in your clothes, it’s not in a job, and it’s not in a grade or an award.
It’s only in you.
And only you can celebrate the outside and inside of being you; so make it a celebration to remember.
And when you forget, please come back and ask. I am here to remind you.
Love, Auntie Kell."
"Grace,
I know you are only turning four this weekend, but I know you will eventually ask about your body - wondering about your size and shape, why you look the way you do, why others look different.
Important questions that I’m glad you will ask, this is my best answer:
You were born to be you.
You are not supposed to look like your cousin, like me, or like any of your classmates.
You might notice similarities, and that’s fine, but you are completely unique. You are important to this world, you are supposed to be here, and the design of your body is part of the greater plan of who you are – it should be no other way.
You may hear that you are supposed to look like this or that, or you may notice magazines or billboards that reflect a certain image, but they aren’t real. They are people, just like you, who have been made up, dressed up, and air brushed. This isn’t reality, it’s their work.
It’s great to have a healthy body and feel good about how you look, but self love is not about falling in love with your appearance. It’s about knowing your insides – your bliss, your gifts, your ability to share and experience joy.
Self love will hold you up in every aspect of your life because people will treat you as you treat yourself. When you love yourself you won’t allow others to take advantage of you. And if someone intentionally decides to hurt you, you will find support and begin the process of healing so you can forgive. Not to condone the behavior, but so you don’t carry around somebody else’s pain.
Taking care of yourself is your most important job – it’s the only way you will have energy to take care of others. So don’t waste time disliking yourself, spend time noticing your beauty instead. If you do, you will notice that everybody is beautiful, and you will be surrounded by people and experiences that reflect this understanding.
I see you when you are happily lost in yourself; when you are laughing, singing, playing, and twirling. You shine so brightly I get tears in my eyes. I feel your joy in being who you are, and I know that will always live inside you.
But at certain times you will forget, because unfortunately, we all do.
So your job is to have faith in that place, to remember that it’s not outside, it’s not in another person, it’s not in your clothes, it’s not in a job, and it’s not in a grade or an award.
It’s only in you.
And only you can celebrate the outside and inside of being you; so make it a celebration to remember.
And when you forget, please come back and ask. I am here to remind you.
Love, Auntie Kell."
Friday, 5 June 2015
the best way to keep what you have, is to give it away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vlOJ2-nh-w&ab_channel=KatelynWiersma
This is such a brave thing to do. I respect these girls beyond words. They've put themselves out there to raise awareness and to change our society. It's beautiful, honest, sad and so so so important for everyone to see.
It shows that this problem is in all places, across many ages. We need to change. If we don't every person with an eating disorder is forced to recovery in a society that refuses to. How can we change when the world we live in won't? We will be bombarded with triggering image forever until this changes.
Please pass this on. Continue sharing your story. As she so wisely said, the best way to raise awareness and to encourage change, is to tell your story. It also inspires those still struggling and let's them know that they aren't alone.
"Our flaws are what make us flawless."
This is such a brave thing to do. I respect these girls beyond words. They've put themselves out there to raise awareness and to change our society. It's beautiful, honest, sad and so so so important for everyone to see.
It shows that this problem is in all places, across many ages. We need to change. If we don't every person with an eating disorder is forced to recovery in a society that refuses to. How can we change when the world we live in won't? We will be bombarded with triggering image forever until this changes.
Please pass this on. Continue sharing your story. As she so wisely said, the best way to raise awareness and to encourage change, is to tell your story. It also inspires those still struggling and let's them know that they aren't alone.
"Our flaws are what make us flawless."
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