Sunday 7 June 2015

we found each other sinking, both lost without aspiration; no promise of tomorrow.

"Nicole's Ocean"

Dedicated to my Nicole, the girl who saved me from sinking and taught me how to swim. I hope this poem is half as beautiful as you are. You're my guardian angel of the sea. Enjoy <3 

I found her floating
Floating in the deep sea,
The deep sea of lost souls
The deep sea I'd been drifting along endlessly.

Some days I was sinking,
Drowning to the depths of pain
She grasped my soul
Pulled me back up
Returned air to my lungs, my heart
Returned me to the surface of hope.

We spent our time drifting
Floating together in perfect harmony
Letting the lull of the waves
Bring us back home.

Two moons later, the sky roared with thunder
Waves rippled, tide changing course
I braced for rough sea with fear
To be dragged down to despair once more
She looked at me in silence.

The current seized her body
Under-toe enraptured her life
I knew where she was headed, been there before
I watched as she surrendered,
Relinquishing her soul to the sea.

Taken to join the others
Those who had been lost
To a place so dark, so ugly
A place with only hopelessness
Despair feeding on her existence.

I knew where she was going
But I lingered, suddenly cold
Frozen with horror, I struggled
My life was flashing with the lightening
Bolting me to reality
I had no life without her.

I shoved away my panic
Dove beneath the water, submerged myself in darkness
Swimming blind, I'd lost my way
When a light appeared
Guiding me to her
I fought until exhaustion, seeking, searching

Finally I came across my illuminated destination
The glowing of her essence
I tugged at her spirit,
So stunning, beyond belief
I willed our way to freedom
Breaking through the oceans barrier
With our breath, came a new perception.
Intuition emerging with us.

I thought that I had found her
Floating in the shadows
A gift brought to me
My guardian angel of the sea
But now I knew, we found each other
Fate had found us too

We found each other sinking
Both lost without aspiration
No promise of tomorrow
But as we came together,
Our faith had been restored
We clung to one another, bodies close
Each other's life-vest.

So with her love
With her light
We started swimming
Swimming not as two, but one
Starting on our journey
Lost no more, we headed home.





4 comments:

  1. Just beautiful

    Also wanted to tell you that I am so glad to have met you
    I don't often meet someone with both ED and addiction issues
    So it's been such a relief to meet some one like me
    And who is also on methadone
    How many mls are you on?
    And how long have you been in it?
    I am going on ten years now
    And have worked my way down to 26 mls
    I am so dependant on it though
    And my other meds
    The thought of coming off then strikes fear in to my heart
    Also where do you live?
    Are you in the US?

    Thank you for all your thoughtful comments in my blog
    They are always considered and intelligent
    And I appreciate you taking the time and energy to write them

    Gosh this is all getting very emotional
    I better stop before we are start crying!

    Much much love to you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awh, thank-you! That means so much to me. I think that's why I was drawn to your blog over others because there were both addiction and ED components. Methadone too, many people misunderstand methadone and how it works. So its good to be able to know someone else who gets it all.

      I just responded to your reply on a comment on your post so I might be really redundant here, but I'm on 75mgs and started in August 2014. It was like a miracle drug to me, not be sick and to feel normal. It's all I've wanted. But I'm so so scared to even consider coming off of it.

      Anyways, I'm from Canada. It's actually pretty cool because my mom was born in Ireland (Athenry) and lived there as a young girl. I've always wanted to take her back there, it looks so beautiful.

      Thanks, you're too sweet. You're very welcome though! I enjoy leaving them. Your posts always make me think and see things differently, so it's great.

      Much love, xx.

      P.S. I wonder what our time difference is.

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